This is the archive for the Burn Bag submissions published in this blog. The accompanying date is when the item appears on this blog. About the Burn Bag read: Burn Bag Submissions Accepted: Because It’s Cheaper Than Therapy. To recap, here are the blog rules for the burn bag submissions (updated 2/9/2014 with new email links):
- Use this Contactify link to send us an email. Do not repeat do not give us your real name, or real email (firstname.lastname@example.org works). We don’t want to know. But do please include “burn bag” on the subject line. Contactify forwards the email to our designated email address.
- Another option is to send us your submission via AnonEmail run by Anonymouse.org. You may address it to: burnbag[at]diplopundit[dot]net. You do not need to provide an email address but we request that you include “Burn Bag” on the subject field to help us sort it out from our regular mail. Note that your anonymous e-mail will also be randomly delayed up to 12 hours.
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“What is it about summer transfer season that makes people lose their minds? The Oakwoods has turned into a Foreign Service ghetto with loud drunks in the courtyard every night and near-fistfights whenever the moving trucks block multiple parking spaces. I can’t wait to leave this place behind for the peace of a high-threat post!”
“This place will be closed. It’s inevitable because it’s just too dangerous. We’ve got only a skeleton staff of direct hires here now because of the danger. But the bureaucracy is, it seems, incapable of having the courage to make the decision that will result in the flag being lowered once and for all. A week passes. And then another. Still, no decision. So we raise the flag every day. And wait. We live in limbo–and fear of another attack. Fingers crossed we don’t get killed while waiting.”
Our post is in the top 5 for IV, NIV, and ACS cases, with dozens of ELOs, and yet we have some of the worst senior level and mid-level managers I have ever encountered in the Foreign Service. Our Consul General is a walking stiff who shows her face once every six months, half of the consular management seems to suffer from tone deafness and do not realize how poor morale is or how unpopular they are for their mismanagement. Where are the good, or at least decent, consular managers?
“Self-drive” in Kabul means sitting alone and unarmed in the back of a GSO vehicle praying that your motor pool driver doesn’t decide to make 100 times his annual salary by selling you to the Taliban.”
“I love that the Department’s idea of a work-life balance is when staff members have time to walk their dog.”
“Should I stay or should I go? As I approach the five year mark, I have started looking for an outside-the-beltway job, only to realize the FS has given me no marketable skills…”
“Help me understand this. The senior General Services Officer (S/GSO) on a Caribbean island doesn’t like his house because it’s not on the beach. So, he has his staff find a beachfront penthouse, under the auspices of adding it to the housing pool, then appeals to have himself moved in. The housing board denies but the DCM overturns based on the Housing GSO’s recommendation. Doesn’t the Housing GSO work for the S/GSO? Oh yeah, the DCM’s OMS is also the S/GSO’s wife.”
“When I finally saw the Regional Medical Officer/Psychiatrist (RMO/P) for help, I was told I just needed a man to make me happy.”
“OMSs are treated unlike any other group in the state department. OMSs often serve without diplomatic title which makes them ineligible for benefits like the issuance of diplomatic license plates and VAT reimbursement. OMSs don’t even supervise other OMSs anywhere. There is no career path. A first tour OMS can fill a slot in the front office which is supposed to take over 20 years to earn. It is no wonder the attrition for OMSs is as high as it is.”
“Several rounds of directed assignments weren’t enough to fill all the vacancies on the S Detail. Entry-level CDOs were even threatening to send tenured FP-04 agents to SD for directed assignments … on their third tour!
“SIPR and OpenNet are completely down at HST. We’re like a bunch of giddy schoolchildren playing hookie. I’m going to go fling spitballs at IO/UNP right now!!”
“It would be far more efficient if the Ambassador would dispense with the illusion that the Joint Awards Committee has a meaningful role and simply decide for herself–in advance–who gets which award, and then send out taskers for the writing of the award nominations. It would actually be less destructive to morale, too.”
“Not really sure I want the Secretary referring to our work as our epitaph… so much for work-life balance!”
“Please Human Resources, we beg of you, control your colleagues in HR/CDA and stop the madness. These untenured walking talking EEO violations responsible for the “career development” of other officers are a contradiction to what officers expect from HR. Hazing? Bullying? Or just plain incompetence? Where are the HR professionals at State?”
Which FS rep demanded that the servers for a breakfast conference last month be attractive and skinny? At the organization’s previous events, the bartenders and waitstaff according to this official had been “chunky and unattractive.” His exact words. The catering company was so offended they refused to cater the event until the Executive Director stepped in.
“When I’m at work until 8 PM on a Friday night, I unapologetically steal beer from another office’s fridge. It’s retaliation because they go home at 5 PM.”
“If JOs behaved slightly like their egotistic tantrum throwing supervisors, tenure would be but a dream. Is this really going to be the organization where the most obnoxious person wins?”
“Wouldn’t the bureau with the most evacuations benefit from listening to evacuees instead of being so defensive and bristling at suggestions for improvement? Instead of checking the Lessons Learned box – try to actually DO something right after that colossal mistake called ordered departure!”
Which regional bureau recalled one post’s top two officials prior to the arrival of the OIG inspectors?
“It warms the cockles of my heart to hear a career ambassador, in town for the Chief of Mission conference, explode in profanity at some bureaucratic skullduggery pulled by a 3161. It gives me hope that my profanity won’t necessarily hold me back in this career… so long as I’m as verbally enthusiastic as this COM!”
“ELOs are constantly being told during training that we need to ensure that we have a comfortable work/life balance. But miss the CG’s first informal bbq for friends visiting from out of town because you’ve already made plans, and you’ll never be given any opportunities to interact with the front office ever again.”
“Our Management Officer skipped some processes/approvals and got a paid intern. S/he is living for free in gov’t housing (putting us waaaay beyond the 3 month rule.) S/he brought a significant other so GSO is told to hold the housing while s/he goes on vacation after the internship and the SO stays in the home. After the vacation, s/he had to use an armored car to go to the airport on a weekend during the peak of a yearly high activity period.”
“Aren’t the statements of an Amb-designate definitively the opinion of the Embassy and those of Washington DC? Is Oslo disowning their own future Ambassador?”
“The Secretary is having another Town Hall. And once again, we have instructions to send up only policy-related questions. Isn’t the Secretary suppose to manage the Department and ensure the development of world class staff to carry out his policies?”
“Incompetent and unprofessional US-direct hire and local hire staff waste money, time, affect peoples health and medical clearances. They delay the appropriate required care and request medical care that is not standard, required or often advisable.”
“Before we talk about numbers, let’s have a conversation about the correlation (or lack thereof) between success in the interview process and success as a Foreign Service Officer. Who are we hiring, why are we hiring them, and are they making our organization a more effective instrument of our policy? And, more importantly, once we do get these talented folks, what are we doing to train and empower them to achieve our objectives?”
“The Bureau of Consular Affairs actively encourages its officers to serve out of cone on one hand yet punishes those who dare leave the hive when it comes to assignments on the other hand. Somedays one has to question how serious CA is about producing FSO Generalists when all it seems to want are Consular Specialists.”
“Easy. Get a staff assistant job to a powerful principal early on, suck up, follow up and have him/her intercede on all your bids.”
“Can someone please explain to me how you get to spend your entire overseas career in non-differential postings?
“Entry level officers (ELOs) constantly listen to advice from well-meaning senior officers. I don’t think it ever occurs to these advice givers that the ELOs may not want to be like them.”
“I almost ran after ___ when he was assigned to Indonesia. I didn’t. That was 20 years ago. I still think about him.”
“A meritorious step increase that does not involve a step increase. Really.
“Does Mother State have a corrupted hard drive, and a virus-infested operating system?”
“What’s the point of requiring something, if you won’t pay for it?”
“Foreign Service officers think, or course, that the brass ring washes all the sins away.”
“It kills me that on any given weekend since January, there have been more DS agents stationed at the Nantucket consulate than there have been at most high-threat posts.”
“DS “Just Say ‘Yo’ Strategy: A list of dance clubs (including those with well known touring DJs) named “off limits” because State employees might be subject to “undue influence” of drug use. “
“New Rule: candidates for DCM/PO jobs must be screened for the ability to identify the difference between “constructive dissent” and “insubordination.” #InYourDreams.”
“Another round of TDY requests for high-threat posts went unfilled with exactly ZERO DS agents volunteering. DS is now at the point where they’re threatening to direct agents to these high-threat locations for periods of 45 to 60 days.”
“A two year civil service excursion post in London as a poloff working on cyber-security. Who would like a piece of that action? How about the many non-consular coned FSOs doing back-to-back consular tours because they couldn’t find any in-cone bids or perhaps tandems forced back to DC because of lack of non-consular jobs. Why don’t civil service excursions to major European capitals require a year in AIP or a year at a visa mill as a prerequisite? Now that would be an excursion.”
“An ambassador’s spouse cannot work in the same country without special permission. Yet when a married ambassador carries on an affair with the top representative of another country everybody looks the other way.”
120-day TDYs per Benghazi ARB | Those “mandatory” 120-day TDYs to high-threat posts lasted for about one day, until DS [Diplomatic Security] ran out of volunteer 5s and 6s…..
“Today I opened the Post to see yet another story about Syria and Iran, based on an anonymous State Department official without authorization to discuss. This, when we have Bradley Manning, the AP media wiretapping, and other cases where leaking is aggressively pursued. I don’t understand this double standard.”
“Ponta Delgada – probably one of the lowest threat posts on the planet – holds crisis training. Our large, vulnerable post has a COM who leaves the country during this training. Bureau #FAIL, for allowing the COM to leave post during CME exercise? or #FSI #FAIL, for training SFS who thinks that’s okay?”
“With respect, yes, we ought to acknowledge that Chris decided to go to Benghazi. But there’s another question that needs asking. He was a rookie Ambassador. Greg Hicks was a rookie DCM. Who decided it was okay to send two rookies into a war zone?.”
“Who is going to say it? With all respect, Chris Stevens decided – he decided – to go to Benghazi. His choice. And couldn’t the energy used now on the fingerpointing and fall-guying be used better to actually make some changes? Hello? We’re still out here, all over the world.”
“A recent CODEL cost taxpayers $25,000. Main purpose? The senator’s lover wanted to shop at the overseas post.”
“Would you feel safe if your missions security for off compound personnel movements, which were previously done by U.S. citizen contractors, are now being done by a local police force that is an un designated terrorist organization according to U.S. terrorism laws? Yeah, as you can guess it all comes down to $$$$ and nothing to do with being safer.”
“Not sure which is more fun: colleagues who run to the principal when things don’t go their way, or principals (read: DCMs) who challenge employees based on hearsay, under the guise of “mentoring.” Can’t we all act like grown-ups, you know, like they do in the real world?!”
“Isn’t it illegal for a CDO [career development officer] to serve on AFSA’s Board?” http://codes.lp.findlaw.com/uscode/22/52/X/4112
“When sending negative news to post from the mothership via e-mail, at least have the decency to sign your name at the end of the message.”
“Encourage all voting AFSA members to look into the conditions under which candidates left their previous posts.”
“If September arrives and NEA has not made a management change in Cairo that brings in principals who take the security situation here seriously, I’ll be considering curtailment — and I know others who are already planning exit strategies.”
“I’m not sure how I feel about CDA suddenly pretending to care about entry level officers.”
“They came over the wall and post management still believes we are safe. #Trapped.”
After another Twitter tempest, the ambassador “goes back to Washington for a week of consultations on (snip). Love to be a fly on those walls.”
“You see these pesky rumors circulating about our ambassador in a hot zone which has been repeatedly denied? The striking thing about these articles is their tone: good riddance.”
“The MC [minister counselor] that heads my section thinks he/she is a great mentor, but just makes me want to never be in the Senior Foreign Service if it means having to be as insufferable as him/her.”
“The couple has separated with intent to divorce. At least I hope that’s the case or the ambassador’s girlfriend in [insert city] would require some explanation.”
“Unlike Mr. Carson of Downton Abbey, I have to work for a boss that I do not respect.”
“The curfew at my embassy (we have to take motorpool everywhere) is earlier than the curfew I had in JUNIOR HIGH.”
“We write cables, submit lengthy required reports, and upload tons of information to various websites. Yet, no one reads it. Worse yet, research skills have all but disappeared. I have stopped forwarding documents when asked for them, and even the hyperlinks to them, and instead suggest my Washington-based colleagues google them instead.”
“Secretary JK changed the font for 7th floor paper from 14 pt TNR (Times New Roman) to 12pt TNR. All over the building desk officers are reveling in the extra 100 words that now fit on a call sheet.”
“Stretch positions are the greatest racket of the Foreign Service. We compete for greater responsibility and more work…. for no credit and the same pay? Great idea!”
“One can only take so much women’s coffee club meetings. Why do I even go?”
“Rule 23 for FS Sanity: Never read your boss’ EER.”
“It’s January, time to launch the 2013-EER cycle of faux-complishments.”
“After watching 3 marriages (in 18 months) at post break-up because of the husband’s dalliance with a local lady, it’s disheartening to see the Ambassador with a host-country-nationality girlfriend.”
“My DCM pees all over the floor in the bathroom. I know this because there is only one bathroom for the entire front office/pol section, and he’s the only guy who works there. (I assume the women aren’t hovering 8 inches in front of the toilet.)”
“I would have realized from the outset that State will always seek its interest first and I’d act accordingly to take care of my own interests. I don’t mind it now but it was hard to have that come to light in a tough time.”
“Why are so many FS blogs so self-obsessive? It makes me want to retch.”
“I just read the Department notice about all the people who got Department awards this year, and almost every single one of them are men! This place is men giving awards to other men.”
“Sometimes, I look around at Department senior leadership, and think, ‘If I ever become this insufferable, I’ll deserve that posting to Lagos.’ Of course, SFS don’t serve in Lagos.”
“I was madly in love with a FSO once; he did not think I was ambassadorial wife material. Is it wrong to feel glad that he’s still waiting for 1) the right wife, and 2) to become an ambassador?”
“If I could live those days at post over, I would do things differently. But life does not work that way.”